Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
