Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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