I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
