so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
