Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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