i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize