..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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