i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
