Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize