I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
