if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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