So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize