the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
