I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
