Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
only you would photoshop your dick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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