somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
