He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
