so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize