just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
