She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize