like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
