think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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