im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize