I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
