Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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