my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
