Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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