I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Randomize