your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
