There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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