I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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