The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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