Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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