She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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