Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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