Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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