he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
