You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
