And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Houston, we have a blender
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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