I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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