So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
