I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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