Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
