if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
