I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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