M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
