Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
not ubering you a puppy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
