I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
