dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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