There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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