I'm so fucking centered right now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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