I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
