Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
