my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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