You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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