this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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