i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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