textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Operation Purity has been aborted
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
