we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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