Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
