1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize