It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
