Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
