Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
