She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
