I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
