I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
