Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at about main and main street
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
