she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
