cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am available for nakedness
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
